..summer's end..

The end of the summer is nearing every day and the call of fall is upon us… I find myself through out the days looking out my office window in the middle of busy work days wondering where has the time gone? So much has happen in the last few weeks and yet so much has taken place in the last few months. With the change of the season coming I can feel the change of my life coming not that far behind it.

This summer I have learned the meaning of having harmony with in one’s self, with your heart and mind, knowing when to walk away but more importantly how to walk away. I have learned that with love comes even greater responsibility. That it’s okay to be flawed and even more okay to appreciate your flaws in order to be more grateful for your skills; I have learned that no matter how many times you fall that as long as you always get back up and keep trying life has a way of surprising you with treasure. I’ve come to know my real friends and I have come to know just how important those friends are; I have learned that sometimes the lesson isn’t in the resolution but in thick of the mess. I’ve learned that I’m a lot more stronger than what I give myself credit for and that I’m a lot more sassy than I think I am.

Overall, I would say that this summer, these past few months have been learning blocks of getting to know myself. Finding that it’s okay to love me and to take that love to love and share with others. Finding the simple truth that life is messy and that’s what makes it so great.

I end this summer ready to start a new and exciting chapter in my life, in my journey and travel a road not so much less traveled but a road more prepared to accept that no matter how rough life may get there is still laughter to be had, dreams to be fulfilled, and memories to be made. I’m excited to see where this chapter leads and how it will play out, I’m excited for the same characters to bloom with in the new and to meet new characters who will add twist to at times already crazy road.

~they~

Calmly they walk and safely they play. Wide open eyes and innocent intent. Peacefully they stroll and wildly they dance. As quickly as they came, they were quickly gone. One can see the past and the other the future. As one comes to find tomorrow, the other comes to find today. Each one is different and each one the same. Both interconnected and both perfectly apart, one defines the other and the other defines the heart. Each is one and each is by itself. There is no perfect rhyme or reason as to why they come and why they go. They are and they are not all in one perfect moment.

The mirror image each holds for each other states why they belong and their very different lives each has states why they are a part. No one thing is ever the same and no one thing is ever alone. They stand side by side forever, never parting from each other. One shines for today and the other will shine for tomorrow. They provide each with hope to grow and hope to remember. When one ends the other begins. They never go with out each other but they never start when they other is in place. Their moment is always shared in some small way but their moment is always theirs'. One is nothing with out the other and the other is everything with out the one.

Life is a circle, it spins forever. One thing changes and a new things begins, the circle is always spinning. Just like the circle that is life so are they. They continue to go as long as one sees fit. Never stopping but always changing in the mill that they grind. They breath with one breath and beat with one heart. They walk with one body and movement, they are so that the other might be and they go so that they other may start.

They are not of two bodies with one heart but of one body with one heart. They are you and me yesterday and today. They are our past and our future. They are our tomorrow and forever. They are the change that brought us to today and they are the we, we were before the us that we are today. We begin and we end yesterday and today, always and forever.

...27... it's gonna be a good year!

I turned 27 on August 4, 2010... 27! Oh my word! My lovely friend Amber Hicks so kindly pointed out that I'm 3 years away from being 30... Gosh I just love her for pointing that out! Haha... But in all seriousness I can honestly say that I had one great birthday!

To help kick things off just right for my 27th on Sunday, August 1st my mama made my favorite meal of all time! Her broccoli, cheese, chicken & rice casserole!!!! Yummy stuff! Thank you mama! She also got me one cute cake!!! Chocolate cake with peanut butter cup ice cream... My mother knows me all to well. I had my family birthday dinner with my parents (love you mommy & daddy), my older brother Thomas & his adorable little family.. Jennifer and their two boys, my adorable little munchkins.. K.C. & Xander. My younger brother Adam & his wife Tiffany were also there to share in the fun. Tiff's bday was the day before along with my parents 31st wedding anniversary. The baby of our fine family was living it large in Vegas on vaca but don't worry... He came home with plenty of loot for his big sis on her bday! Love my family!

..my adorable bday cake that my mommy got me..

 With the help of family & friends my birthday WEEK just kept on getting better & better...

Monday, 8/2/10.. My sissy, Jeanette surprised me with tickets to go and see Mindy Gledhill perform at her album release show down in Provo. What a treat that was! I was so stoked because I love Mindy! She is amazing and if you are not aware of her check her out  http://www.mindygledhill.com/, I'm not lying when I say that you will fall in love with her and stay in love with her. After the show we were able to meet Mindy Gledhill and buy her new album... Which of course I did! And she totally signed it for me! Such a great night. Thank you again Sissy!

~Me, Sissy, & Rachel waiting in line to meet Mindy Gledhill~

..Meeting Mindy Gledhill.. 

Wednesday, August 4, 2010... My actual BIRTHDAY!!! Such a great and happy day! That morning I woke up, headed into the bathroom to find a note siting on the shower door for me. The note was from daddy :) and he had written this note on a Christmas Card.. LOL He was wishing me a "Happy Birthday!" and letting me know that he had clean the bathtub for me for my birthday... Haha.. Seriously?! How did I get so lucky to have a such a great and funny dad? Let me tell you though it was sure nice to take a shower in a clean tub & a clean tub that I didn't have to clean! Thanks dad! When I arrived at work I was greeted with well wishes and happy birthdays from all around.One thing that I love about birthdays... You're kind of popular and it's kind of fun! My adorable friends Amber & Crystal were too cute... They brought in flowers & a little bday cake for me. We have this tradition where we bring each other cake & flowers for each others on our birthdays every year, best tradition EVER! Thank you girls! The day just kept going and kept getting better as it went...

For lunch that afternoon the girls from the office & I ventured over to Trolley Square which is a shopping center in down town SLC, UT ... We went to the ONE & ONLY Old Spaghetti Factory located with in the Trolley Square.. Yummy! Yummy! Yummy! Such a great place to have my birthday lunch with some pretty amazing ladies! After lunch I was surprised by my good friend Sheri Jensen who stopped by my office on her way to the airport before she flew out of town to Cali for vaca.. She came with a single red rose and some cute little goodies in hand with a big birthday hug to boot! I can honestly say that I easily have the BEST friends in the world that a girl could ever have!
For my birthday night! My awesome friend Kade or as I prefer.. Kadinkins! Was so kind to take me out on the town for dinner at Mimi's and a movie at Jordan Commons.. We had some yummy food, played some awesome games at the arcade and watched a very strange movie... Charlie St. Cloud (if you ask us.. don't waste your time watching this movie), we learned that evening that apparently ghost can have sex?! WTH? Yeah totally strange movie. Over all though.. Between the two of us.. Kadikins and I can make any moment the best moment ever! We had a blast! Thank you Kadikins!

Kadikins & I waiting for our movie to start... We are so attractive! 

 Friday, 8/6/10... I was told to show up at Meeshy Boo's house at 6:30pm but I was not told as to what we were doing for the evening. When I arrived.... Meeshy was in the kitchen cookin' up a storm and SkyeBabe was on her way over. SkyeBabe not too shortly after I did, she came in with presents in hand and a big fat smile on her face! Love that girl! She gave me a hug and than was quickly at Meeshy's side helpin' with the cooking. They made some yummy pasta & chicken and a fabulous salad. We had dinner, shared some laughter and than enjoyed some ice cream & cake! I was than told that it was present time!!!! I love my girls! They seriously know me WAY too well!
Meeshy... She gave me the cutest pair of flower shoes! They're adorable!!!! I love them! And of course a super adorable card! Skye.. She got me the most amazing picture of one my idols, Audrey Hepburn!!!! This is now hanging in my office =) & she bought me a super cute hand band.
After present time we headed downstairs to watch ourselves some Roller Bounce! Great movie.. Any movie with roller skates is a great movie! LOL.. I had a such a great night!!!! Thank you Meeshy & SkyeBabe!

*my adorable flower shoes! thank you meeshy*

*audrey hepburn! love this pic! thank skyebabe!*

*cute hand band.. thank you skyebabe*

Meeshy, Me & Skye Babe ..these ladies right here are the best EVER!

Ending the week.. On 8/7/2010 6 of us gathered together down town at the Red Lion Hotel on 6th South to meet up with the FUN BUS to head out to Wendover to stir up some fun and trouble! Let me just say that I had one great night with these 5 great people!!!! Kelly, Troy, Patty, Skye & Meeshy rocked my world in Wendover! We ate some really bad food at the local buffet, had some good dessert, gambled a little money, danced our socks off and listen to one great band at the Rainbow.. it was a night of fun and memories that I'm so grateful to have. We left Salt Lake around 6pm and didn't arrive back till about 4am ... That should tell you that Wendover did us right! =) LOL such a fun birthday!!!!

Meeshy, Skye, Patty, Me, Kelly & Troy .. Getting on the FUN BUS!

I just want to say thank you to my family & my friends for one great birthday and birthday week! I am the luckiest girl in the world to know and have such amazing people in my life to share life with! Thank you for all that you each do for me and have done for me! I love you all!!!! Thank you!

Thank you for the lessons..

One can only imagine life with out those that they love because no one would really want to live life with out those very people who make life worth living for. I can honestly say that over the last few weeks I have come to truly understand the power that comes with allowing yourself to love, feel and share your life with others. I'm not just blessed with an amazing family who never stops loving me but never stop inspiring, supporting and teaching me; I'm also blessed with some amazing friends.. Friends who seem to always have the right words to push me over the edge in becoming better.

I have learned that love is never too far from you are but you are always too far from it when you are too busy thinking about yourself and stuck in your world of  "what about me?". Love isn't just about dating someone or having that one special relationship with someone... Love is loving yourself, loving those around and loving what you have right now; not wishing for something more, something better. To appreciate all that you have and enjoy all that there is in every moment you find that beauty that is and the LOVE that surrounds you. It is through my amazing friends & family that I have come to truly understand & appreciate this lesson.

I just want to say to all of the beautiful people in my life.. THANK YOU! Thank you for being there, teaching me and showing me the joys in this world. Thank you for putting up with my faults and baring with me as I over come them. Thank you for your love and kindness! Thank you for the laughter and memories. I hope that one day I am able to repair each of you one by one for all that you each have done personally for me.

Again... From the bottom of my heart... Thank you & I love you all dearly.

..unexpected..

I can honestly say that things happen for a reason.. Do I know and understand what those reasons are at the time that things happen? No. Most of the time I'm usually blindsided by the on going of events that tend to take place in my whirl wind of a life. And even though when things, whether bad or good happen unexpectedly I can't help but look back at my life and smile.Things are never what they seem to be and yet some times they are, they are exactly what you expect or intended them to be and when facing the change that hits us everyday the only thing we can control is the pace we walk it and the reaction we have to it. I have learned that it is far more easier to enjoy what is in front of you instead of wondering what it means...

You may not have the "dream job" you want, the bank account you desire, or relationship you pray for but I'm sure that in front of you, you have so much to be grateful for and so much to enjoy. We have no control over when we'll get that job, that next big score, or that 1st date but we do have control over what we do with ourselves in the midst of it all and most importantly... We have the time to kick back and enjoy the unexpected, make the best out of every situation placed in front of us and in doing so we are sure to find the pleasures of this life that we so long for. Once I have relaxed, clammed my mind, and just kicked back to enjoy life that's when I find the understanding of why the last big storm in life happen and how it applies to the rest of my life. And it's usually in those moments of unexpected clarity that those things that I desire most tend to find me. And again... I'm blindsided by the waves of life and it's never ending change of expression that causes me to view it in whole other way.

In time you are healed, in time you are moved, and in time you are inspired. These things all take TIME, they don't just happen over night, for most of us these things can take days, weeks, months, and/or even years. But, when they do without fail its usually when you least expect it. So, life is to live and enjoy, to live for the unexpected moments; you never know what you'll find but I can almost promise you to expect something amazing. Even when unexpected is painful, its usually after our hardest storms in life that we are surprised with our greatest moments. Endure what is hard to enjoy what is bliss, give when it's the hardest, and to care when it's the easiest. By living for life you will find the strength to take on all that comes your way unexpectedly and you will look back, view the path you walked and smile.

..fairy tales..

Here she sits in the tall, green grass lost in the games she plays. Where nothing bad can ever touch her. She is a princess one day and movie star the next. She dreams of long, beautiful dresses or sold out shows where she sings her heart out. She thinks of kissing like they do in the movies and loving like her mommy loves her daddy. She dances in circles in the tall, green grass where nothing bad can ever touch her. It is her kingdom there, her castle of protection.

Here she sits in the tall, green grass longing for days of fairy tales and wishing wells where nothing bad could find her. She wishes for days where she was a princess or a movie star. And where kissing like they do in the movies was so magical. She no longer dances in circles in the tall, green grass or sings at sold out shows. Now she hides in the tall, green grass hoping to escape the nightmares that follow. It is no longer her kingdom, but her castle in ruins.

Here she sits in the tall, green grass where the shadows have passed her and blue skies are in front of her. She no longer sits here alone but in the arms of her lover. Wrapped safely with him she remembers.. She is a princess one day and a star the next, in his eyes she is everything. She no longer dreams about the way they kiss in the movies but kisses like its her last. She now loves like her mommy did and longs for nothing. She has come to find that dancing in circles like she use to do, is so much more when it’s a dance for two. Here she is.. Back in her kingdom, her castle of protection. This little girl, once a princess is now a woman, forever a queen in the tall, green grass.

For my Sissy... Love you!

..simple.. the way i like it..

I have come to see that what life has to offer is so much more than the face value stride that we seem to take it for. “You live once!” A term that is used so often and usually the key reason for someone to justify why they did or are about to do something, the soul reason why anyone can find themselves sitting pretty like nothing went down.. Even though they know deep down inside.. They missed up.
Or .. You can find that sometimes remembering that you live once you discover the joys life has to offer. There is always something un-expected and something to be expected.. It is all in the eyes of the beholder.

By coming to grip, terms or just pure understanding that life is more than a party or a cute dress, that  life is more than a silly boy or a hot chick, that life is more than what she said or what he said.. When you are finally able to get passed all of that, all of the things that mean nothing in the great big picture, you find that life is simple and simply beautiful.

It amazes me how much I have taken for granted every day.. I mean I wake up to a new day everyday, another chance to get it right or maybe another chance to learn something new. I walk outside and I walk out into this beautiful landscape painting that is right outside my own front door. All of these things just there, always there and waiting for me to notice them. So simple a pleasure and so simply beautiful, the wonders of this world all given to us by our father.. Heavenly Father.

How many of us have hit rock bottom, fell down, made the wrong choice when you clearly knew the right, said hurtful words, or had hurtful words said to us.. If we were to all get right down to it.. We all have been there and done that. It’s amazing that anyone of us still talk to ourselves let alone each other.
The point is, life is full circle, continuing no matter how bad something may seem and no matter how good something is.  Life is much more than what the surface shows you. Life is what makes you giggle, life is what makes you whole, life is what makes you wonder or even understand. Life is the core center to finding who you are.. Life is a gift given to you and I from our father.. Heavenly Father.

This is all said with out forgetting that life is hard and there is hardship to be found. It is almost a promise that somewhere, some how and at any given moment you will fall and you will fall hard. There is no escaping that. Life has away of sneaking up on you when you think all is clear.. When you forget that life is on going and never stops.. When you forget that you aren’t the only person in this life… That is usually when life hands you your wake up call. Nothing is ever effortless and nothing is ever free.. But in life there is always help to be found and hope to be had. Again.. Life is full circle.

If you were to take a step back and look at life.. all of the wonders that it has to offer you. You would find that life has always been your Savior, Jesus Christ. He who has shared with you a gift, a chance to be, and hope to find. He has always been there. You see.. Life, our Savior he is full circle. He cares about you and carries you. He provided a chance and gave of forgiveness. This gift that our Heavenly Father gave and our Savior so selfishly provided, life is so much more than what we see.

If there is a gift, a dream, or a wish that I could share with you.. It would be for you to have that gift, to have the chance and to find that hope as you walk your path in life. I would pray that each of you may know the beauty that is you and see the light that you provide. I would ask that you be protected and sheltered from the harms of the world. And most of all I would hope that you would see life for what it really is.

Remember .. Life is too short and you only live once.

..Family Emergency..

This last weekend I drove myself down to Southern UT, St. George to be exact. On Thursday, May 20, 2010 we received word that my grandmother was back in the hospital. Her kidneys were shutting down and her body was filling with fluid which was effecting her already bad heart. She had gone in to a check up with her doctor and was told that she was being emitted to the hospital. I'm not sure how anyone else may feel but my grandmother is a huge role in my family. She is the glue to each of us and seriously the reason why grandpa continues to get up everyday in the morning, he lives for her and her for him. With that said, I was rather scared, nervous and sad to hear the news. I decided that there was no time like the present and that I was going to go down. On Friday, May 21, 2010 after my morning conference call at work I called my supervisor to ask for permission to take a half day. With the "ok" from my office I was out the door.

After a quick packing session, texting to my older brother Thomas to see if I could crash with him and his family at their hotel I was on the road to St. George. I stopped in American Fork, UT to have my tires rotated & oil changed. Yes... I seriously stopped to do that... It was due and I would much rather be safe than sorry later, especially since I was driving by myself.

4 hours alone in a vehicle really provides a great outlet to think and reflect on life. I had plenty of time to sit and be grateful for my life, the people in my life, my job, my blessings, and the gospel. I did a lot of praying while I drove, a lot of time to sit and ponder. I ponder things from my family & friends, to the in's & out's of my job. I thought long and hard on the foundation of the gospel and how blessed I am to know such great hope there is in such a dark place at times. And in the mist of all the thinking, pondering, and reflecting I found great peace. I know with out any doubt in my mind that no matter what happens the Lord will take care of us. After finding the peace that I needed I knew that by going down and being with my family I was right where I needed to be. I was given strength and I knew that my grandmother was being provided for and the Lord was with her and still is.

I sang out loud till my little voice couldn't take it and even than I kept singing! Train, Katy Perry, Fergie, Dashoboard, Jason Mraz, Michael Jackson, Staind, Panic at the Disco... etc These were the peeps that came along for the road trip with me. They rocked out with me till I hit St. George. Once I arrived in St. George I made my way to the hospital where my older brother was with my grandfather and of course his little family. My grandma was on the second floor in the OR at the time that I arrived. She was in surgery and had been for about an hour or so when I arrived. My grandpa, bless his heart shot me a smile and give me hug. What an amazing man he is. He is the greatest example of how a man should love his wife. I was than greeted by 2 pairs of little hands & arms wrapping their way around my legs, my nephews where front and center to welcome me to St. George. We waited in the waiting room till the doctor arrived to speak with my grandpa. He let him that the surgery took longer than accepted but he felt good about the result. He said that they were going to keep my grandma in the ICU over night, they wanted to watch her and get her to rest. She was very tired. We walked my grandpa to the ICU waiting room and said goodnight.

That evening... After leaving the hospital we all said a prayer in our hearts that she would be okay and to watch over our grandpa as well. Again, I was given peace to remain hopeful and to know that no matter what the Lord was with us. We checked in to the hotel and from there my sister-in-law Jennifer & I head to the store and to pick up dinner which my brother had ordered from The Pizza Factory. We arrived back at the hotel to find my brother & his two adorable sons, my nephews watching Disney movies. It's moments like that when  you realize how great life truly is. The small things like watching Disney movies together as family... What a great moment.

The next morning we woke up, had our free breakfast... It was pretty yummy! I was able to make my own waffle! Sooo good! After breakfast, I dropped my brother off to play tennis with our Uncle Clint while Jennifer got ready for the day. Once back at the hotel I was able to get ready and from there we picked up Thomas, he showered and than we did some shopping & had lunch at the local Iggy's. From there we dropped the boys off with our little cousins to play and hit the hospital. My grandmother at that time was finishing up her first run of Hemodialysis and was being moved into her own room out of ICU. We were able to see her and visit for a short time. She was very tired and needed to rest. She was in great spirits which in turn gave us some relief. We left the hospital & went back to our uncle's house. From there our entire family met at the local Chuck-a-Rama for dinner. My parents had driven in by that time and met us there. Like I said that evening.. "A family that eats together loves each other but a family that eats at Chuck-a-Rams stays togheter.." You can always count on the Harris clan to hit up the Chuck-a-Rama. It was nice to sit and visit with our family and to join together in support of our amazing grandmother, mother, friend, wife. We all love her so much.

After dinner my parents with my grandpa went to the hospital and the rest of us to my uncle's house for more family visiting. I seriously have been blessed with one amazing family! I'm so eternally grateful for the amazing people that I have in my life, my family is wonderful!

I drove home the next morning again, by myself. My grandmother is still in the hospital at this time but I just received word from my daddy that she just finished her 3rd round of Hemodialysis today and depending on results she may be able to go home tomorrow. She is very tired and really just wants to go home, but she is in great spirits! She was up telling stories for 3 hours. I love my grandmother! She is a fighter!

Please keep her your prayers and please... Tell your love ones you love them every chance you get! I love you all! 

..my 2 cents on dating..

I truly am amazed at the lack of response men give when it comes to manning up and being present when needed. Further more... It is just down right annoying when you have to sit and listen to one, and when I say "one" I mean a "man" talk about how lame their friends are to women yet they are JUST LIKE their brainless buddies who think "HANGING OUT" is considered dating and get freaked when a girl calls them out on it! Heaven for bid that a girl could possible be right or even worse... On to your stupid attempt to appear as a "good guy". Ha! The gig is up Mr., time to really MAN up. News flash fellows... Just because a girl is over the whole "hanging out" or "watching movies" doesn't make her crazy, makes her wise! She finally has woken up to realize she deserves better. 

Now... Not to sound like some irate woman who is man bashing & to be fair here... Ladies... We have some room for improvement as well. When a guy opens your door, it's not because he doesn't think you can't do it but because he is trying to show you some respect by doing the respectful thing... Opening your door! So, the next time some poor soul of man chooses to man up and open your door be gracious, grateful and thank him for doing so. Also... Ladies, say what you mean and do what you say. It doesn't make things easy when you are constantly playing guessing games with the dude. If you like a guy, like the guy... Why can't he know that? Not saying you have to throw yourself at him but you don't have to always play over the top hard to get either. Guys may like a chase but the doesn't mean they want to spend the next 6months trying to catch you. And girls... Dumb is out! Be the smart, beautiful women I know you all to be. Don't down play yourself and act dumb because honestly... That just means you are DUMB!

Let's think about this....

Sometimes the best relationships are based off friendships.... How many have heard this time & time again? And how many actually believe that? For those of you who have heard this and agree you are one step a head of the game where the rest of you who rolled your eyes at such an idea... I'm afraid you still have lots to learn. Any long lasting and great relationship between two people only work because the two are friends. How do you expect to love and be with someone if you aren't friends? There really is no answer for that question other than you can't. A key functional component to any working relationship is friendship.

Aside from friendship you MUST have COMMUNICATION!!!!!!!!!!!! Probably the most valuable part of a relationship is being able to look at someone and express yourself fully, openly and honestly to each other. Being able to talk about the good... AMAZING but being able to talk about the bad, work through it and over coming it... WORTH IT. To open yourself up to another individual is probably one of the HARDEST things any of us can do, but 9 times out of 10 it's the most rewarding and beautiful thing we'll ever do. To connect with someone on a deeper level than what is just on the surface is not only another key functional component but it's #1 to any working relationship.

Relationships aren't just about the work that is put in them but they are also about the fun you should be having along the way. If you aren't having fun with who you are with than I think it's time to get REAL with yourself and ask... "Am I with the right person? Do they really make me happy?" If you can't sit down and ask yourself real questions such as those than we have another problem... You should be looking at yourself and asking.. "Am I happy with me?" I pose this question and insight due to the very fact that I have watched to many of my friends, female & male go into a relationship under the silly mentality that this relationship is going to make them "HAPPY". How do you expect to be happy and have fun if you aren't happy to begin with?

Dating is messy... And sometimes... Overwhelming. But, when you come to find that one person who in the most insane way understands you, sees you for you and loves you with out expectations it's the greatest thing we can do to past the time. We have to remember something... Love is simple, it's not messy and it's not complicated... If we can remember that and keep in mind that there is joy in the bad chances are we'll find just what we are looking for.

I'm far from a dating professional or expert but I have learned a few lessons in my life that helped me to realize that there could be more things that I should be doing when dating and a few things I should be doing less of. Hopefully... We all can stand and say that we have learned those lessons from our journeys of dating but if you are one who seems to lack basic comprehending skills... I don't just feel bad for you but I feel bad for the poor souls you attempt to date...

Signing out..

..inspiration from within..

There are things that arise in our lives that some times prevent us from seeing the bigger picture, from healing from heartache, from moving forward, or even from doing what makes us happy. These very things that seem to keep us captive in time where life seems to be moving with out us are the very things that sometimes help us to get where we are going. …I use to think this, I use to believe that, and I still see the truth in all of that but the only difference now is that in those moments where I felt like hope was lost, the people in my life in those moments where the ones who helped me to see the bigger picture, heal from heartache, move forward, and do what makes me happy.

If I could paint a picture for you of how inspiration has touched my life I would, but since my drawing skills are underdeveloped at this time let me try using words…
Picture if you well… Have you ever met someone who screams passion, integrity, honor, and devotion for all that is creative? Have you ever met someone who has the ability to clam a room by simple grace and a caring smile or someone who carries the world on their back with no complaints and strives to love all the same no matter how hard? ...Lucky for me I have. 

 Sometimes you just need someone to tell you and reassure you that no matter what happens in life everything will always be okay... Sometimes in life there is only one thing, one person who can always make you feel better, clam your nerves and read you like a book. My mother is the the key to all that is wonderful. She gives with out thinking and cares with out bounds. She is constantly providing to those around her and being the purest example of all that is right. When feeling the pressures of this world my mother has been my reminder that there is always light to be found and nothing is ever as bad as it may seem. She is the strength, peace, joy, and constant wave of love that fuses our family together. My mother is who I hope to become more like every day. Roberta Jean Harris... The most beautiful part of my amazing family. 

                                                                        My mommy!

Only a handful of people can honestly stand before others and say they have hit rock bottom, walked the path of heartache, and found their way back. Only a handful of people can see a person, look past their faults and find the truth with in. Only a handful of people understand how to help someone see their mistakes and know show them the hope that still lies with in sight. Only a handful of people can be a giant of understanding, but most of all… Love. I have been so blessed to know such a person all my life, my daddy. He has been the finest example of how to overcome struggle and find the good things in life. He has been the finest example what a worthy priesthood holder looks like, not just a man who can pray… But a man who can love, honor, and respect his family, friends and all those that he encounters on his walk of life. He is protector of our family and the supporting hand to each of us. My father is the rock of which we all stand firmly with, he is the man who has seen the bad and found the good with in. My father… The humble voice of reason and the most amazing man I have come to know.

My daddy!

                                                                      Simeon Lawrence

A man with grace, clamming appeal, and truthful rhymes; he tends to those with love and carefully unfolds his world before you with his heart in music and passion that can never be contained. He is strength in his family and a rock to his friends, his quite nature is louder than any man’s crying yells and he stands taller than he appears to himself. He writes what he feels, raps what he says and opens his world to know no bounds. I once told him that he reminded me of Jay-Z, a rhythmic giant who in his own right took on the world, never stopping and never giving up; my friend, my brother.. Simeon does the same. He would shake his head in disagreement to all that I have to say about him but that would only cause me to continue. Simeon Lawrence… The gentle soul with big dreams and never ending care; he rocks each of us by his poetic nature and clamming effect. He has seriously inspired me to want to be more than I am by his care and effort as he takes on his passion, love and drive for music. He does this all with such humility and such love for his savior, he is a gift. He will be the next Jay-Z, the next idol to inspire the world to be great again.

She is a rock star, a gem of light, and a powerful wave of emotion. She embodies all that is real and all that is pure; she cares for everyone around her with such depth and continues to care even when her strength has been exerted. I have never know someone who looks at the world around her the way that she does, she sees the dark for what it is and finds the light even when it pains her to look for it. She is everything that I hope to be like and everything that I’m so grateful to have a part of my life. By her drive, creative skill and passion to live life I have found strength to not be scared, to live fully and to enjoy every person that passes through my life. Skye Elizabeth Dahlstrom… The gracious beauty who rocks your world every time you see her, the glue for her family and the saving grace for those that are lost. She truly is an angle sent by God and with that I say Amen.

                                                               Skye Elizabeth Dahlstorm


Although I may have only spotlighted a few dear people that have turely touched my life in more than one way, there are so many more in my life that I have yet to mention. With some time and care I hope to one day graciously thank each person in my life who has been with me and for me every step of the way. There is only so much one person can do on their own but so much more one person can do with the help of others.

I have been blessed with so many inpirational people in my life from family and friends, I think you all from the bottom my heart for your love & care. Thank you.

                                                                     

..love is waiting for you..

My grandpa told me yesterday, Monday 4/26/10 while sitting his guest room while we visited that he came to the realization that one day some great man is going to sweep me off my feet before I have a chance to realize what is happening. He said that he had been thinking about me for awhile, prayed and felt inspired to tell me that I needed to just let go and let the good Lord do his thing. We weren't even really talking about such things in our conversation but some how it turned to dating and guys, and as it did my grandpa knew just what to see at the right moment. He said that we may have to choose who we marry but it is the Lord who guides our path, by allowing him to do and choosing to trust him, you are able to let go... Just let go... Something I hear a lot and something I'm finding to be true in most areas of life, especially with love. This afternoon I came home from work to find a letter from President Thomas S. Monson. He had written in response to a letter that I had written him on 4/9/10. He shared with me this, Proverbs: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thin own understanding. In all thy way's acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths" (Proverbs 3: 5-6) I find it only amazing that such insight was shared with me at the same time that my loving grandpa shared his.

Just when you think you aren't sure why things happen the way they do, you are reminded that sometimes that's the point. You aren't to know, that all you need to know is to trust in the Lord and let him guide you, the rest will follow. With that said, love is not something you think about. Love is not something you should have to over think or pick at to death. Love is simple, pure and innocent. We as humans make things so complicated when all the keys have been provided for us but because of their simple nature we just can't seem to believe them with out hitting the ground hard & fast, by simply putting our whole trust in him and letting him in our hearts the greatest joys will be ours.

My simple lesson that I'm learning this week... You are not waiting for love, Love is waiting for you. 

..equality..

I have read and listen to many people share their thoughts and views on equality so much so that I find myself getting rather annoyed. I have always wanted to respond back to the out landish things that I hear but usually find myself holding back due to the fact that I know I wouldn’t really be saying what is that I want. As I sit here relaxed, clearly thinking and really pondering what is that I want to say, I finally feel fit to express.


Equality: the state or quality of being equal; correspondence in quantity, degree, value, rank, or ability, uniform character as of motion or surface; mathematics, a statement that two quantities are equal. Here we are with the definition of the word and I can honestly assume that most of us don’t really understand the meaning of equality. We are all so quick to point fingers, judge and pass status on each other that we never stop to think that we are all just a like in one way or another. I say this because I can admit that I have done that on more than one occasion. I’m guilty of being imperfect myself and finding the imperfections in someone else.

As many of you know and those of you who don’t… Yes! I’m Mormon. Born and raised Latter Day Saint of the Church of Jesus Christ. I’m not ashamed of my heritage or my religion. It’s a part of me and has truly helped shape me in to the person that I am today. Being LDS I have had the gracious chance to see good things happen and beautiful light be provided. And with all things I have also seen the bad and maybe even been apart of the not so great moments. Either way what I have learned is that it’s not the person who makes the religion; religion is a set of beliefs, a set of guidelines. You may choose to act upon those stepping stones that your religion has laid out for you or you can go your own way. With this said… Those who have been offended, hurt or left out keep in mind that it was not the religion that did this to you but the person or persons who took the time to insure you leaving with such feelings. No man is perfect, we all have times where we could have handle a situation better but didn’t. We are all guilty of being imperfect and because so we can not judge but only try to understand. If there is anything that I have learned is that you just never know where someone has been or what they have gone through. And sometimes by understanding a person you come to understand why they may have done what they did or said. Does this mean you become best friends with every single person who has wronged you in some way and trust them to never do it again? No or course not, what this means is you trust yourself enough to forgive, forget and move forward. You can love others from a distance and part of the way of doing that is not continuing the hate, the hurt or ill feelings. You have the choice to end it and leave it.

I’m sorry to those of you having been offended because of something someone might have said or done and they happen to be LDS. I’m sorry that in some way you feel unaccepted or not wanted because of my church. Please know that the foundation of my religion is Christ like love. We may not agree with everything in this world but that doesn’t mean that we wouldn’t love another or go out of our way to help someone, these are the whole building blocks of our beliefs, to love one to another.


Equality is to love each other with out finding fault, to help one another without finding blame and to give to each other without expecting something. It is to see past the imperfections and find the beauty with in. It is to care enough and hate less… Equality is to agree to disagree and understand that just because someone may not share your beliefs does not make them a bad person, it is to be able to let go of your pride and open your heart. Equality is to understand that no man is perfect, we all share imperfections, and that our lives are meant to be shared. Equality takes at least two. You can not be equal with out a second member.

I ask you a question, who are you to judge another? I think the answer is pretty obvious for each of us. We are no one. We have no standing, no footing to judge another according to what we think is right; it is not our place to do so. But, it is our place to love when needed and care when called. No matter where you come from, where you are going, the color of your skin or how you pray we are all the same in some way or another, and we share imperfections. Equality is a choice we make every day and it is up to us to remember that we set the rules of who is our equal every day we pass judgment – meaning we set the expectations on each other and when someone doesn’t pass we only have ourselves to blame.

..a little me time..

So this last weekend I spent down in Southern UT, St. George to be exact. It was GREAT! I drove down Friday, April 23, 2010 with my friend Annie and we stayed till Monday (today) April 26, 2010. We drove down in rain and snow only to find ourselves arriving in clear skies and sunshine! It was a joy to be out & about in 75 degree weather and soaking in the rays while sitting pool side and than of course having some fun out at the lake. We stayed with my Uncle Clint and his family. It was awesome for them to give us a place to stay and than to take us boating! So much fun! Thank you uncle & auntie!

So... Friday we arrived in George town around 4pm or so. We sat and visited for some time with my Aunt Laura which is always great. She is an amazing person so it's always nice just to sit and catch up. We talked about family, friends, played getting to know you with Annie since she had never met her before and of course talked about life stuff. She has such great insight and such a powerful spirit. I'm so grateful she is my aunt. After girl talk we decided to go get some dindin at the local Red Robin's. My aunt & cousins came along and after dinner of course it was only right to hit a movie. We picked "The Last Song" such a sad movie but really good. I was pleasantly surprised. But, if you are a guy... I don't recommend it unless you really are wanting to impress your girl. I say only because I'm pretty sure most guys wouldn't enjoy it. My cousin Grant was a good sport and sat through the whole movie... We love him for spending his Friday night with us girls. After the movies we hit the sack... We were pretty tuckered out from our day of driving.

Saturday... We woke up before anyone else in the house hold.. LOL We ran some errands, grabbed some yummy breakfast, muffins and super healthy fruit smoothies... And yes, they were so yummy! We walked around the outlet's and than headed back to the house. We than slipped into our bathing suits and hit pool side! Books in hand and tanning lotion rubbed in... We were soaking in the sunshine and loving it. I won't lie... I'm totally sun kissed! Love it! Around 1:30 or so my uncle was ready to hit the lake and so were we! Packed up the boat, the car, our purses and we were out the door to Sand Hallow. What a great time! The sun was out and it was just beautiful outside! Of course being that it was only April the water was still heck'a cold we made do. All of us girls were to weak (won't lie) to hit the water but we enjoyed relaxing on the boat and watching the boys do their thing on surfing behind the boat. We were out at the lake for about 3 hours or so and than off to home we went. Once home us girls hit up Sally Beauty Supplies to do our toes and than of course... Ordered some take out from The Pizza Factory .. YUMMY!  My aunt & uncle went off to do their date night while us young folks enjoyed of pizza, painting nails, movies and HOT TUBBIN'! Such a great night=) 

Sunday... We got up... Showered... Made ourselves pretty... Had some breakfast and than we were out the door. We had a plan to hit church but of course we were distracted by the outlet's and instead did some shopping. I got 3 pair of cute shoes, new sunglasses, and a very cute black pencil skirt. I plan on looking pretty adorable this summer.. Just you wait! After shopping we went home, changed, and had some yummy food that my wonderful aunt was so kind to prepare for us. After dinner we had some more awesome girl chat with my aunt. Again, she is an amazing woman. I truly enjoyed my time with her and talking. What a great thing to now be at an age where I can have such an amazing conversations with people in my life that I have always looked up to. We decided to have ourselves a Glee night... Seeing how I have yet to ever watch the show we thought it only to be right to have ourselves a little marathon. Okay... Ummm... Glee is AMAZING! I love it! And I'm so buying the seasons! Ha! We stayed up till about 1:30am watching ourselves some Glee and than finally we all were having trouble holding our eyes open, so bed time was our next exciting event we attended. Great day! 

Monday, the day of leaving. We woke up... showered, packed and cleaned. Breakfast was made for us... And it was yummy! Thank you Rob! We packed the car up, hit up Harmon's for thank you cards and flowers and than returned once more to say good bye and make our deliver of flowers & thank you cards. After leaving my uncle's we headed to my wonderful grandparents for a visit before heading home to Salt town. I made sure to also have some flowers for my beautiful grandmother. We visited with my grandpa & grandma for about an hour & half... Such a treat! =) I'm THE luckiest girl in the world! They are two amazing people and I'm so grateful to have them in my life and a constant part of my life. What great examples. After visiting with them we were on the road again.... 

It was an amazing weekend of fun and relaxation. Just what I needed to feel good again and ready to start another new week of life. I'm so grateful for such amazing family and friends to be able to spend my time with and have such a great time doing so.

..something to tell..

October 10, 2009 , 7:30 AM on a Saturday morning my parents and I drove down to the Salt Lake Temple. For the first time in my life I was going in to the house of the Lord to do something that I couldn't wait to do, something that I had worked so hard to come to, I was going in to receive of my endowments. I can't talk about that day with out crying. I can't talk about that day with out being reassured over and over again that God is real that this gospel is true and that life as we live is truly something blessed. 

Because of how special that time was in the temple I want to keep personal, but I will share some of my thoughts and feelings from that day and things leading up to that moment. Prior to making the decision to go through the temple, things in my life were a little off balance for my taste. I was struggling with finding me and really understanding where exactly it was that I wanted to be. I had been going back and fourth for sometime over the choice, to go through or to not go through, wait or do it now. I had been talking and working with my bishop and it wasn't till I was sitting in church one day listening to a speaker and they said that there is peace to be had when connecting with your Savior in his house and there is hope to be found when placing your fears in his hands and letting go. In that moment... I knew what it was that I needed to do. I was ready to make that step and committment. I went in to see my bishop and from the moment I walked in to that appointment the process was set in motion. I started taking the temple prep classes and speaking more with my family about what I was preparing to do. And as I was doing so I really came to understand just how close our Heavenly Father was to us and just how real the Savior is. 

I'll never forget the stresses that seem to come flowing into my life at that moment once the steps had started. It seemed like the whole world was out to get me and I just couldn't shake that bad feeling. It was a sure sign for me that I was doing the right thing that someone else didn't want me to succeed. Someone else wanted me to fail. That morning walking to the temple it was as though someone had come and just lifted my weights of this world right off of my shoulders, that something just washed over me, helping me to see the joy that is life. I have never felt such greater peace than I did that day. Such a beautiful moment that I will forever cherish. 

Now walking out of the temple and being with my family & friends the world seemed so much clearer to me. I felt as though I was looking through someone else's eyes and seeing the world in a completely different way. 

That day was amazing. It was amazing for so many reason other than just me receiving my endowments. It was amazing because, 1) I was receiving my endowments. 2) I was there with my parents, brothers, grandparents, and friends. 3) It was my great grandmother's birthday. 4) I was going through the same temple that both of my parents went through for theirs', my brothers had gone through, and my great grandmother had worked in and while working there she was one who helped girls with their first time through. All things were things that completely confirmed to me that I was where I needed and should be. 

I have never know such love the way that I felt that day in the temple. I'm so grateful to be apart of this gospel and so grateful to know that there is nothing greater than the love of our Heavenly Father and his begotten son, our Savior. We have no reason to fear, only every reason to live life fully and to embrace the bad as much as we do. To make every moment count for something and to be hopefully when everything seems to be at a lost. 

It is my prayer that you all one day get to feel the love that YOUR Heavenly Father has for you. That one day those that are struggling may find the peace that I have and that those who are lonely may always know that they are NEVER alone, that the Lord hears them, loves them, and is always with them. I pray for each of you and hope that love is always yours.

..joy in letting go..

Let me pose a question... Is it easier to hash it out or easier to just let it go? Now that, that is rolling around in your head add this next question in the mix... Letting something go, does that depend on what it is and if so why? I ask these questions cause these are the very things rolling around in this lovely little mind of my, this mind that sometimes I wish that I had an off button to. Why are these questions swimming in my world of thoughts? For many reasons and for a lot of reason that don't really make sense to me.

Let's start with the reason that make sense to me, shall we?
1) Drama: The point of when crap hits the fan and all hell breaks loose, the point when you have no choice but to deal with issue at hand.
2) Adulthood: Part of being an adult is knowing when to walk away and when to say something, sometimes half the battle is being strong enough to say enough is enough.
3) The point: When someone wrongs you there comes this moment where all you think about is making a point, making a point to prove them wrong and make yourself "feel better" but what does that serve?
Now there are more reasons but overall these are my top 3, these reasons of why I have such thoughts in my head & why I'm learning there is great joy in being able to "just walk away", to walk away from the things that really make no point to continue to deal with.
Now my reasons that make no sense...
1) Emotional: I'm a girl... Let's just be honest here... We girls tend to over look things and make things way more personal then they need to be.
2) Stubborn: I'm as stubborn as they come, I want to control things and because so I can't seem to let things go when I should.
There you have it... I think that pretty much sums up my non-making sense thoughts... They both pretty much speak for themselves. Translation... I'm a girl, enough said.

Okay, why am I going on and on in circles about this... Let me tie this all together for you. Short story, something happen with a friend, something in the sense where I vented about things to someone else rather than talking to my friend directly like an adult and that someone else told my friend who than in turn is now upset with me. When my friend confronted me about what was said I owned up, admitted that I did in fact do something wrong and apologized for doing so. She isn't speaking to me, which I can respect, I wasn't expecting her to due to the fact that I handled myself poorly. Anyways... I as much as I feel bad about what happen I walked away from the situation knowing that in the end I did do the right thing. It took me a minute to get there but in the end I did.
I could have gotten to that point so much faster if I had just gotten over myself and pride, and talked to my friend. I should have confronted her with my issues directly rather than "venting" and than thinking that I could just let it go after that. So My lesson to share for the evening is that life really is too short to not express your feelings, it doesn't me that you have make it a fight about everything but you can find healthier ways resolve ones frustrations and finding the joy in just letting go.
I'm am not a perfect person and I don't ever plan to be one, but I do plan on to strive to be better every day and by doing so I am reminded that I am a good person. I am a person who is still able to learn new tricks so to speak and that those who really love me will always be a part of my life.

..with in the mistake the correct answer can be found..

I'm finding that there is great peace to be found in owning up to the things you have failed in. Coming to the realization that I still have so much to learn hasn't been an easy thing, but it hasn't been the worst thing either. Knowing that even though I may fail in the area of friend, co-worker, daughter, and/or individual at times, it doesn't make me a bad person it just makes me human. I'm learning to be okay with my many imperfections, that just because I don't get things right this time around doesn't mean that I won't the next time.

I use to get so caught up in trying to please everyone and be something/someone that I thought that I needed to be in order to fit what the world thought that I lost myself. I spent so much time looking for what I thought that I needed and not enough time on what I already had which was everything and more. I spent so much time letting others take that when I felt the need for a friend those same people who took seemed to have disappeared.

In my constant frustration with the flip flopper's in my life I was too weak to confront them, only instead to talk behind their backs. I learned that there is no justice in "venting" only gossip and more frustration. I not only hurt the person that I spoke about but I hurt myself from finding joy in just moving forward in my life and letting things go. It is in the very moment that I was called out on the thing that I said that I was able to really find some peace, the peace that I didn't even know that I needed. I was able to see some light in myself due to the opportunity to do the right thing. The right thing being to respectfully own up to what I had done and admit that I had handled it poorly and apologize for doing so. Once I did that I was able to see that there was greater satisfaction in admitting my wrong than trying to dispute it. I was able to learn a great lesson, that there is an answer with in the mistake you just have to be willing to take the time to find it.

I think that the biggest thing that I was able to walk away with from this was that life is simple... There is no reason for it to be difficult. You either apologize or you don't, you forgive or you don't, OR you move on or you don't. There is only right or there is wrong and there is light or there is dark, it is up to us to decide which path in this journey and once we do it's our blessing to learn & grow every step that we take.

Again, I may not be perfect and yes, I have so much to learn in this great life but overall I love who am I as a person and I'm grateful for the chance that I have to be better even though I continue to fall from time to time.

So... Recap... Life is simple... Such simple pleasures do truly make you happy, be not afraid to confront your feelings and be direct with those that they effect. AND love yourself inside and out. Be honest with you and share who you are with those around you, never let someone else out shine who you are and be kind hearted in all matters of life. As Elder Holland best said it in 2010 General Conference Saturday session, true love in all areas of life.